So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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