I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Randomize
