There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I faked an abortion last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
