He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
