sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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