i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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