he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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