You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize