Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
