wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
