Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
