Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
