nut hugger
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
