she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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