I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
