hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
