My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
