It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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