if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
