just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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