Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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