I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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