And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
