She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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