HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
