Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
