I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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