She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
