Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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