Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
