I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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