Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
