Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
