he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
