I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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