She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
