I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
