I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
