he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
