Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
