I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
