she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
