I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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