The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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