Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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