i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize