I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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