the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
