Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
