We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
