Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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