she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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