____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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