she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
