you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
