Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
