gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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