You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
