he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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