I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
