im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
