At least make sure they are 18
Why
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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