he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
40s are totally the cure
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
