if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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