Do you still have your period?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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