fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
