A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
