You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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