So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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