like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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