you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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