I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
