Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
