i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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