stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
