Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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